Montreal Plateau Paradise: 3BR Gem, 2 Mins to Metro!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into Montreal Plateau Paradise: 3BR Gem, 2 Mins to Metro! And let me tell you, after staring at a screen filled with bullet points like these, I'm more ready for a vacation, or at least a strong coffee, than ever before. Let's get messy, shall we?
Montreal Plateau Paradise: 3BR Gem, 2 Mins to Metro! – A Review (That's Actually Honest)
Right, so, "Montreal Plateau Paradise." Sounds idyllic, doesn’t it? Like you're gonna float in on a cloud of croissants and perfect French accents. Let's see if it actually delivers on that promise, shall we?
(Disclaimer: This isn’t going to be a sterile, corporate review. This is me talking, and I'm prone to tangents. Consider yourself warned!)
Accessibility (and the Great Elevator Debate)
Okay, first up, accessibility. Crucial. This is a 3BR Gem, so I'm assuming stairs could be an issue, right? Well, the listing actually lists a "Elevator." Good start! No specifics, though. Which makes me nervous instantly. I hate elevators. They're these tiny, metal boxes of existential dread. What if it gets stuck? What if I fart and everyone knows? Ugh. (They say they have facilities for disabled guests, but details are KEY, people!) The lack of specific info bugs me. A good review, or, shall we say, a paradise-worthy description, would go into detail: "Are the hallways wide enough for a wheelchair? Is the elevator easily navigable? What about the entrance?" This is where you'd hope for a detailed description of how the whole experience would be. I'd want to know it all before I commit! This is where I think the website needs a real facelift here.
On-site Accessible Restaurants/Lounges (Or the Search for the Perfect Poutine)
This section is blank. Seriously? Come on! Montreal! The food scene alone should fill a novel. I demand poutine! And not just any poutine, mind you. The perfect, artery-clogging, cheese-curd squeaking, gravy-dripping masterpiece of a poutine. (And what is the accessible options for dining? Are there ramps? Is the menu in braille? Again, details are EVERYTHING!) This listing is failing here. If there are accessible restaurants, flaunt them! If there's not…well, that's a problem.
Wheelchair Accessible?
See above. And also: “Facilities for Disabled Guests” is NOT a replacement for a detailed accessibility guide. Come on.
(Rambling Interlude: My Love-Hate Relationship with Hotel Websites)
You know, the way hotel websites always seem to present this picture-perfect, airbrushed vision of reality? It's like, "Oh, we've got a pool with a view! And…maybe a tiny, barely mentioned elevator that's probably older than your grandma, but who cares, right? This is a paradise!" No, website people. Tell me the truth. Tell me the bad with the good! I want to know if I'm going to be wrestling luggage up five flights of stairs or not. Let's get real! I, for one, am very ready for a website revolution!
Internet Access: The Modern Necessity (And My Personal WiFi Obsession)
Okay, so we're talking about internet. "Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!" Excellent! Praise be! Truly, in this day and age, a hotel could hand out gold bars as a welcome gift, but if the Wi-Fi is garbage, I'm out. I need to work, I need to stream, I need to stalk my ex on Instagram. (Don't judge me!) This is a huge selling point. (They also mention "Internet [LAN]" which is like, who still uses LAN cables? I guess it's there for the truly old-school, or the IT nerds who demand it. Okay, good.) And there's "Wi-Fi in public areas," too. I like that. Because…well, you never know when the urge to check email will hit you, or when you have to find the nearest dispensary, right?
Things to Do & Ways to Relax (The Spa Dreams)
Alright, let's get to the good stuff. The "escape from reality" stuff. And here, it gets a little more promising.
- Gym/fitness: Okay, this is fine. I say I'm going to use hotel gyms, but I usually just look at them wistfully from the window.
- Massage: Yes! The siren call of a massage after a long flight is irresistible. My shoulders ache just thinking about it. I'm a serious massage addict. Does the masseuse know how to deal with a stressed-out writer? (I REALLY hope so!) I mean an actual, in-room massage would be epic!
- Pool with view: Now we're talking. I absolutely love a pool with a view. Give me the Montreal skyline or, even better, a view of the Plateau itself! That's a huge draw.
- Sauna, Spa/sauna, Steamroom: YES, YES, YES. I'm a saunter! A spa is an important factor for relaxation! Okay, they got my attention. In my dreams, I'm slathered in mud, sipping Champagne, and letting all my cares melt away.
(Side Note: The Absence of a Jacuzzi) Is it just me, or are Jacuzzis seriously underappreciated? Nothing beats a jacuzzi, right?! Oh, man, I could totally imagine myself unwinding in a jacuzzi after a long day of sight-seeing. If I were to choose the ultimate relaxation, I'd go with that hands down!
Cleanliness and Safety (The Covid Edition)
Right, the big one. COVID. And the list is long, and reassuring, but also…long. Let's break it down: Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment.
Okay, great. This all screams "we're taking this seriously." The "Room Sanitzation Opt-Out" is a good touch – gives guests a choice. These are great.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking (Poutine…Still on the Brain)
Okay, finally, back to the good stuff! Here we go:
- A la carte in restaurant: Cool! More options are always welcome.
- Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant: (Yes! I love the versatility!)
- Bar, Poolside bar, Coffee shop, Snack bar: Excellent for grabbing a quick snack. I especially like the poolside bar.
- Breakfast [buffet] and Breakfast service: The buffet better be good, and not the sad, lukewarm-eggs-and-stale-pastries kind. I want a proper buffet.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant: Always appreciated.
- Desserts in restaurant: MUST. KNOW. MORE.
- Happy hour: Another major plus!
- International cuisine in restaurant: YES. Food, please!
- Room service [24-hour]: Now that's what I'm talking about!
- Vegetarian restaurant: Perfect.
- Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant: Good variety
- Bottle of water: It's the little things that make you feel like a VIP!
- Soup in restaurant: Comfort food is a must.
- Salad in restaurant: For the healthy people.
(Rant Interlude: The Great Hotel Breakfast Debacle)
Okay, hotel breakfasts, man. They are either amazing or a total disaster. I've had breakfasts in hotels that were so bad, they made me want to cry. You know the ones: dried-out eggs, rubbery bacon, and coffee that tastes like dishwater. Then, on the complete other end of the spectrum, are the heavenly breakfast experiences! That's what I'm hoping for.
Services and Conveniences (The Swiss Army Knife of Hotels)
This section is a mixed bag. Air conditioning (in public and room) is crucial. A concierge is always helpful. A convenience store? Great! I love a good convenience store. Having all the amenities makes life easy, so I love this.
- Currency exchange: Useful, depending on where you're coming from.
- Facilities for disabled guests: (See earlier rant about details! Always. Demand. Details!)
- Gift/souvenir shop: Meh.
- Indoor venue for special events, Outdoor venue for special events, Meeting/banquet facilities and Seminars: Nice for groups.
- Safety deposit boxes: Always a good idea.
- Other services, such as laundry and daily housekeeping are ideal.
- **Elevator
Alright, alright, buckle up buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's travel itinerary. We're ditching the rigid timetables and diving headfirst into the glorious, chaotic heart of Montreal. My base camp: that "Superb 3 BR in Plateau 2min Metro Prime Location" on Airbnb. (Let's hope it actually is superb, because I’m counting on some prime relaxation after this… adventure.)
Day 1: Arrival, Hysterical Hunger, and the Promise of Poutine (and Possible Disappointment)
- 1:00 PM: Arrive at Trudeau Airport (YUL). Immediately, my internal monologue kicks in: "Okay, don't be that person blocking the carousel. Deep breaths. Pretend you're sophisticated." Fail. I practically elbow a tiny old lady for a glimpse of my suitcase. It's orange. Very me.
- 1:30 PM - 2:30 PM: Taxi (hopefully not a rogue taxi, because, you know, Montreal). Traffic. Oh, Canada, you beautiful, slightly congested country. The driver is an older gentleman with a thick French accent. He insists on playing Celine Dion. I try to appreciate the local culture… but secretly I'm wishing for death by silence.
- 2:30 PM - 3:00 PM: Check into "Superb 3 BR." Pray to the Airbnb gods it’s not a total disaster. First impression: "Huh, not superb super-superb. But clean. Amen." Unpack. The sheer joy of not living out of a suitcase is a feeling that brings a tear to my eye.
- 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM: This is where things get messy. I am officially ravenous. My stomach is growling like a rabid beast. The apartment is in Plateau, which everyone says is the coolest neighborhood. So begins the poutine quest! I'm picturing mountains of fries, squeaky cheese curds, gravy that’s thick as a swamp… dreams. (This is important: My standards for poutine are HIGH. I've heard the hype, and I'm ready to be impressed.) I wander aimlessly for like… 40 minutes. Everything looks good, but I am paralyzed with choice. Finally, I see a place with a line, and the sign screams "Poutine Perfection!" I'm in.
- 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM: The poutine… is… okay. (Heavy sigh). The fries are good. The cheese curds are… there. The gravy is… watery. I eat it anyway. Because. Poutine. But the dream… the dream is officially dead. Dejected, I buy a crêpe from a vendor on the corner. It’s filled with Nutella. Crisis averted. Temporary happiness achieved.
- 5:00 PM - 7:00 PM: Wander around. Plateau feels… Bohemian. Lots of vintage shops. I buy a weird scarf I probably won't wear because it's "so Montreal." Pop into a bookstore. The smell of old books is pure bliss. Feel my inner intellectual blooming… until I bump into a display of cheesy romance novels. My brain short-circuits. I escape.
- 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM: Dinner at a cute little bistro. Try to order in French. Fail. Embarrassing, but the waiter is charming. He laughs. I laugh. We bond over my atrocious pronunciation. Order a bottle of wine. (Might as well, right?)
- 8:00 PM - Bedtime: Stumble back to the "superb" apartment. Watch some bad TV. Feel the jet lag creeping in. Contemplate my life choices. Resolve to find real poutine tomorrow. The Quest continues!
Day 2: The Old City, Bagels of Glory, and a Slight Breakdown (Drama alert!)
- 9:00 AM: Wake up (finally!) after a much-needed sleep. Coffee. Big coffee. Need the caffeine, people!
- 10:00 AM - 1:00 PM: Venture into Old Montreal. The cobblestone streets are ridiculously charming. It’s like stepping back in time, with a healthy dose of tourists. Walk along the port, admire the architecture, soak it all in. Take approximately 734 photos. Buy a ridiculously overpriced souvenir. (It's a key chain. Don't judge.)
- 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM: Lunch at a cafe. Attempt to order again in French. Slight improvement. Still mortifying. Spill coffee on myself. Become convinced that I am, in fact, secretly clumsy.
- 2:00 PM - 3:00 PM: BAGELS. It's bagel time. This is serious business. I head to St-Viateur Bagel Shop. The line is long. The anticipation is unbearable. The smell of baking bagels is pure, unadulterated heaven. I order half a dozen. Get them hot. Eat one plain. Cry tears of joy. These bagels are a religious experience. They are perfect. My faith in Montreal is restored.
- 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Attempt to navigate the Montreal Metro. Get lost. Almost miss my stop. Panic slightly. Curse the confusing signage. Eventually, arrive at…
- 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM: … Mount Royal Park for some stunning views! (If I can find the path). The hike is a bit more strenuous than I anticipated. I’m sweating, out of breath, and questioning my life choices. See a squirrel. He judges me.
- 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM: The View! Finally reach the lookout. Montreal stretches before me, a panorama of red rooftops and glittering skyscrapers. It’s truly beautiful. I feel… something. A sense of peace? Maybe. Or maybe it's just the exhaustion talking. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Okay. I did it.
- 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM: Walk back down the mountain. My legs feel like jelly. Buy some ice cream. It’s delicious. I deserve it.
- 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM: Dinner. Try a different restaurant. Order… the same thing I ordered last night. (Embarrassing, but at least I’m consistent)
- 8:00 PM - Bedtime: Collapse in the apartment. Watch more bad TV. Reflect on the day. Bagels. Mount Royal. Bagels. I’m starting to fall in love with this messy, beautiful city. But then… panic. Did I buy enough bagels? (This is a serious concern). Resolve. I need more bagels. Now.
Day 3: Markets, Murals, and the Emotional Rollercoaster Continues
- 9:00 AM: Wake up. Coffee, of course.
- 10:00 AM - 1:00 PM: Jean-Talon Market! This is what I'm talking about: a vibrant explosion of colours and smells. Fresh produce, artisanal cheeses, local honey, the works. Sample everything (within reason, gotta save some money). My senses are absolutely overwhelmed in the best way possible. I buy a ridiculous amount of fresh fruit. Feeling like a healthy goddess. I am momentarily convinced I could live here forever.
- 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM: Lunch at a food stall in the market: a gigantic, spicy, delicious sandwich that I promptly spill all over myself. Clumsy strikes again! Luckily, no one seems to notice. Or if they did, they don't care. I feel a strange freedom.
- 2:00 PM - 3:00 PM: Stroll through the Plateau again, this time looking for the famous murals. I find them. They're big, colourful, and thought-provoking (probably. I'm not very good at "thought provoking"). I take approximately a million more photos.
- 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Now, the day gets…intense. I decide to visit a museum. Art is supposed to be "inspiring". (I'm not a huge art person, but I decided I would try.) The art is fine, I suppose. Then I see it. A piece. It's… overwhelming. It just feels… wrong. I can't explain it. I start to feel really, really miserable. Then I remember… I am alone in a museum, in a foreign
Montreal Plateau Paradise: 3BR Gem - The Unvarnished Truth (and Some Gushing)
Okay, spill the beans! Is this place REALLY as good as it sounds? "Paradise" is a strong word...
Alright, let's get real. "Paradise"? Look, I've lived in some dumps. Places where the squirrels were bolder than the landlords. This… this is *miles* above that. Is it perfect? No. Nothing is. But for the price? And the location? Honestly, yeah. It’s pretty darn close. The Plateau is amazing! But be warned, the word "paradise" might be slightly overblown, especially after a particularly brutal January blizzard (they're a whole thing, the Montreal winters).
Two minutes to the Metro? Seriously? Because my legs are lazy.
Two minutes? More like, one minute and forty-five seconds if you *sprint*. Seriously, I timed it. (Don't judge me, I'm a data person.) It's practically IN the station! Which is an absolute GODSEND. Because Montreal winters are… well, they're legendary. Imagine walking to the Metro, shivering, your nose about to fall off, you know? You’re already dreaming of hot chocolate before you hit the turnstiles. This place? No dreaming needed. Instant warmth. Instant transportation to ANYWHERE. (Unless the Metro's being...Metro-y. You get the drift.)
Three bedrooms? What's the catch? Small closets? No windows? What are the downsides?
Okay, here’s where the reality check hits. Three bedrooms are fantastic, but space in older Montreal buildings is, well, *cozy*. The closets? They're…efficient. Think strategically placing your winter coats. Window situation? Not all bedrooms get the glorious sunlight you dream of in those "Pinterest" photos. But hey, you're in Montreal! Go *outside*! Explore! Also, the old building charm means quirky things. Like, the floors *may* creak. A lot. Especially at 3 AM when you're trying to sneak a midnight snack. My friend complained about the creak so much, it became a running joke – "The Monster Under the Bed is Hungry!" The downside? The cost of living in the Plateau is expensive, and the building is old. But seriously, it’s worth it.
The Plateau! Everyone raves about it. What's the deal? Is it REALLY that charming?
Charming doesn't even BEGIN to cover it. Cobblestone streets? Check. Independent boutiques? Check. Incredible restaurants (hello, poutine!)? Absolutely check! The character? It’s dripping from every building. Walking around, you might stumble upon a hidden courtyard, a tiny cafe, or just a group of people laughing and talking in French (which, by the way, good luck learning if you don't speak it, I’m still figuring it out). Honestly, it’s the type of place where you'll wander around and suddenly realize you've been smiling for an hour. Don't expect luxury. Expect *soul*. Expect a neighborhood that feels alive. The cafes are fantastic, and the people are awesome. Be ready to fall in love!
Poutine! Tell me about the poutine situation! This is vital information.
Okay, so…poutine. It's everywhere. And it’s all… pretty damn good. I'm not even kidding. There's a famous place about a 5-minute walk away, a place with lines stretching around the block. Is *that* poutine better than the others? I don’t know! There are too many to try! I'm still working on finding the perfect poutine. But trust me, the options are *endless*. (And my arteries are thanking me... or maybe they're not.) Just…be prepared to embrace the cheese curds. Embrace the gravy. Embrace the delicious, artery-clogging glory that is Montreal poutine. You'll never be the same.
Is there a balcony? Because I need my morning coffee and a view. And maybe a plant.
Balcony? Nope. Sorry. My biggest regret. But, hey, *that's Montreal*. My first heartbreak. I was so crushed at first. I mean, I'm a coffee-drinking, plant-loving creature of habit. But the windows? They're big! And, there’s a park nearby. So, you sacrifice a private balcony for the city. You go to the park. Find a sunny spot, and soak it all in. That's what I do. It's pretty beautiful.
What about the neighborhood vibe? Is it safe? Is it noisy? Are the neighbors going to hate me?
Safe? Generally, yes. The Plateau is one of the safer neighborhoods. Noise? Well… it's a city. There's always some level of noise. Sirens, late-night revelers (especially on weekends), the occasional busker serenading the street (some are amazing, some are... less so). But it's not a constant, ear-splitting cacophony. And the neighbors? They're… mostly fine. (Knock on wood!). I met my neighbor once, we bonded over a shared love of coffee. If you're respectful, generally, things are good. Be mindful of noise after hours, and you'll probably be fine. They may grumble, but they won't hate you. They may judge your music taste though (guilty!).
Okay, okay. So, what's the WORST thing? The real, nitty-gritty, tell-me-what-to-expect-because-I-hate-surprises, downside?
The WORST thing? Ugh. Finding parking. It's legendary in its awfulness. It's like a competitive sport. Be prepared to circle the block. A LOT. Buy a parking pass if you can. Or… consider the Metro. It's really, really good. Seriously, the parking situation can drive you to *madness*. And the fact that the building is old means… it's old. Not just "charming old," but sometimes "leaky pipes," or "weird smells emanating from the basement" old. You can't escape the age sometimes. And if you're sensitive to it, it's a pain. But overall, I’m sticking around… because the good outweighs the bad. By a LOT.
Is it pet-friendly? Because my floofy companion is my emotional support animal. (aka, my cat is a diva.)
